I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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