PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
