I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Your shirt... Was in my pants
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
