batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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