We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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