he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
