i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
