I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
