I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
