There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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