She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
