You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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