My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
