dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
