I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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