I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
