it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
