I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
