Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
