PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
