i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
