I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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