My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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