Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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