The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
