but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
