ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
