I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
