I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
