Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
In America we eat man semen.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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