I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
and you fell through a lawn chair
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
