He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
