haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
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this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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