I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
