They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
