If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
What drink are we having for lunch?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
