I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You're like the curious george of whores
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I supernannyed him into submission
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
