There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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