i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
