He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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