I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
