Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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