Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
