i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
