this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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