Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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