so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
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he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
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Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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