I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
