WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just forgot I was standing up.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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