I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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