Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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