Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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