i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
