Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
