The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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