A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
