I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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