He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
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Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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