shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize