note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
