once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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