I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
