Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
