I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
