and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
